Off My Chest - Out in the Open
Monday, June 14, 2004
So with this last Friday becoming a Federal Holiday (of sorts) with Regan's Funeral and stuff I was told I could not work. Oh darn, look at me cry. :) So I went off for a day of sleeping in until way too late, sleeping in, and eating at the new Sushi restaurant here in Laramie. MMMM Real Sushi - Really Japanese Cuisine - Really here in Laramie! It is kind of expensive as Lunch for two costed $30 but it was totally worth it.
Saturday I went to my cousin's wedding. I kinda had mixed feelings about it because I am quite sure he will not be coming to mine - should I ever get married. This whole being gay thing - you know how it goes. I went anyway, the ceremony was very beautiful, and I almost cried when they played the wedding march and when the minister lead them through the vows. Not because I really cared that much that my cousin was getting married, but more because I always cry at those parts of the wedding. The reception was fun, and some preacher type took over the Microphone in an effort to say Jesus more times than the Minister did during the ceremony. (Never being terribly religious myself, I was a little put off by the guy) I think he succeeded. Also the Bride's younger brother, all of 5-6 years old, got up to toast the newlyweds. It was hilarious when he told us that he had known his sister for a long time, and we all awed as he told the couple that it was the happiest day in his whole life. I love kids, I hope to have some one day. (This thought also scares me to death)
Sunday I went to see my dad's mom (aka grandma) at the nursing home. I don't know how many people have a family member under 70 in a nursing home - but this is an odd sight for me. Further I hate seeing my grandmother in her highly disabled state. I have a very real want to remember her as she was when I was growing up - making the world's best strawberry rhubarb pie and feeding chickens. I did it mostly for Grandma and Dad though. It does her good to get to see us kids. My dad needs the support. As a result of this trip I had a odd moment with my father during which he told me how much it meant to him that I was there. It truly was touching.
Next Thursday is my youngest brother's birthday. He will be turning 13 (10 years younger than I am). He really looks up to me, and I am making it a point to get home and drive him and his friends to Casper to bowl. It should be a blast. Mom has promised me some time to set and talk about things too. Hopefully one of us will actually be able to say the "gay" word.
Have you ever noticed how much everyone who is out to their parents forgets what the big deal is? I have known lots of people who worried about it before saying anything, some who said they never would say anything. Then they come out - and they have to tell everyone else how easy it is. Maybe it's a bit like raising kids. I have noticed a lot of parents think of growing up as a lot easier for them than it seems to be for people currently working on it. I'll probably be the same. I know how easy it probably is going to be for me when all is said and done. Maybe that is what I am afraid of.(if you read this last paragraph and feel bad, smack yourself, you shouldn't. I am just venting.)
My message to the world for this week - Smile when you get a chance - the first step to getting over any crisis is to start with a smile and a positive attitude.
posted by ZEUS @ 11:56 AM,
2 Comments:
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At 3:53 PM,
Nerdygirl said...
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"I love kids, I hope to have some one day. (This thought also scares me to death)"
This thought also scares all of us to death as well. *grin* -
At 10:21 PM,
Big Gay Jim said...
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Hon...coming out is not easy until it's done. True, we sometimes place more pressure on ourselves than needs be, but it's scary nevertheless. That fear is real...don't let anyone tell you different. And know you're not alone. *hug*
